When you stop and look at your favorite films, books, poems, songs...whatever it is that does it for you...you can learn a little bit about yourself.

For instance...this afternoon, I learned something about me.

...I'm a dark, cynical, and semi-horrible person.

And I'm just proud enough of that fact to qualify as pretentious.

Here's what I mean:

My favorite films? Fight Club. Pi. The Apostle. The Story of Us. Pleasantville. Requiem for a Dream.

My favorite poets? Edgar Allen Poe. Emily Dickinson. Byron, Shelley, Browning.

My favorite contemporary writers? Chuck Palahunik, Stephen King.

My favorite books in the Bible? Job. Ecclesiastes.

OK, enough of listing stuff. The point is, I tend to gravitate toward the darker side of things, I think. I don't wear the white makeup with the black lipstick, I don't light candles and sit in the center of pentagrams, and I've yet to slaughter a live animal for any reason other than damnit, that cat had it coming. I'm not a goth kind of guy. However, I think I find a lot of satisfaction, contentment, peace and sometimes even beauty in the darker things of life.

I think suffering is powerful, just like joy. Somewhere along the line, our Western minds became convinced that our lives should, for the most part, be dedicated to erradicating as much pain and discomfort as possible in our lives. If we're self-serving, it's about eliminating our pain (see: free refills, heated car seats, antibacterial dish soap) . If we're altruistic, it's about eliminating the pain of others (see: Hurricane Katrina relief, medicare, consoling a crying friend). Either way, the problem is, after a while I think we fail to see the beauty and progress of pain. Don't get me wrong, the things above can be great things...Lord knows I take full advantage of the free refills thing, and if it weren't for wireless internet access, I probably would have stopped writing long ago). Joy can be a wonderful experience...it can teach, it can change, it can inspire. But so can misery. There is very little good in the world that didn't come out of something either thriving or dying, or often both. It's just kind of how things are done...it's entropy, it's fertilizer, it's the Crucifixion. Somehow, pain brings joy, anguish brings ecstacy, death brings life.

I wrote a piece of advice to a friend who was in a rough time and was tired of being told "things will get better." Here's what I wrote...I'd love to know if you agree...or if I just made a bad thing worse:

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Dear [Friend's Name],

I'm not going to tell you to cheer up. Or that it's going to get better. Or that life doesn't suck.

Life does suck. Sometimes. Sometimes it f@#$ing hurts, in fact. Is it going to get better? I hope so. I don't know. It seems like it should. But it didn't for everybody...there is no happy ending for this life guaranteed. In fact, some of the people who loved God the most and served God the best ended up dying miserable, drunk, naked and/or bleeding. That sucks. Life can really suck.

I don't want to cheer you up. That's the really fun part...I don't think you need to feel better. In our culture, we look for the remedy. Our primary concern is our comfort (and I am no different, it's my primary concern if I'm truly honest with myself), and part of comfort is finding ways to quell discomfort. We want to feel better...it's how we're built, perhaps...but it's equally about how we're taught. Comfort is king in the States...go anywhere else for any length of time, and you'll see what I mean.

So, we value what we see as healing... that is to say, we value feeling better. I know I do. But that's not necessarily the answer, and it sure as heck isn't necessarily healing.

Hurt. Cry. Sob, and put your head in your hands, and ask God why. Regret. Writhe, even. Pain is real, and is very, very human. At the same time, please know that we know what pain is because we know it's opposite. For each hurt, there is comfort. For each mourning, there is celebration. For each anguish-ridden moment, there is an ecstasy. And each side of each of these dualities is equally valuable. You will not recognize joy if you have not known pain. You will not recognize comfort if you haven't known hurt.

I'm not trying to sound Eastern here. I'm a fat American like anybody else. I've just found this truth in my life...pain is life, just like joy. And that, in itself, makes pain sacred. Your regret means your heart continues to beat, and that makes you way better off than most of the people who have walked the Earth. Embrace this pain. Your tears are real, and they hurt, and it sucks...and thank God that's true. You are truly alive.

I hope it doesn't get better. I hope it just feels more like reality, and that reality makes you feel more alive...joyous or miserable...more alive.

Peace,
Justin